He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
