Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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