At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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