I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
