I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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