Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
