I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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