Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
