I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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