he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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