Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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