Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
