Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
