You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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