I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize