maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
