you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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