I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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