from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
