I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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