he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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