i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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