I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
