I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
