I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Damn victory sex feels great
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
