and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
