The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
