ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
