I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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