1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
