I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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