I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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