She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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