put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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