My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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