It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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