"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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