I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk is a universal language darling
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