Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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