glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize