pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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