I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
