my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i believe in u and ur pee
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