it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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