i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
