I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
