remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Someone shit on the floor
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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