you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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