eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
