Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
