She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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