Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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