Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
