Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
