I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
