she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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