hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
