Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you win again, gameday.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
