Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
