I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
