is your mom at the bar?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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