So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
