Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
