Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
