The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
