guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
