...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
