Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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