You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
