My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
