I got chris browned last night
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
