I hate all girls vehemently.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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