Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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