ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
